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Post by sleepflower on Jan 15, 2008 11:22:41 GMT -5
Aw, thanks, Pete The doctor was absolutely fantastic - I basically thrust the piece of paper at her and mumbled something stupid, but she was really kind, read through it all carefully, asked me some questions, told me I wasn't wasting her time and I wasn't making it all up, etc. She made me feel a bit...dare I say it...hopeful? At the end she told me that if I was feeling bad or wanting to cut etc, I could ring her any time at the surgery. I know I won't but it meant a lot that she made the offer. So, she's referred me for counselling to tide me over and I'm on the waiting list for CBT. Anyone know anything about it? It's a long wait for that, which is why I'm going for counselling first. So, she was really good. Even made me my next appointment there and then because I'd written how afraid I was about making an appointment. I felt like she listened to me more than any other doc ever has. She's even been over my notes, and noticed patterns that I keep following. So in two weeks I'll be panicking again!
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Post by ghost on Jan 15, 2008 13:17:47 GMT -5
cognitive behavioral therapy.. nothing to fear.. yeah, sleepflower!! i'm so happy for you.. as someone who is avoiding the dr even as we speak.. you are braver than i!! i shall exalt you, ghost
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Post by sleepflower on Jan 16, 2008 15:00:04 GMT -5
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Post by sleepflower on Jan 21, 2008 12:25:45 GMT -5
Thanks Thumper. been a tough day and a tough weekend, but on Friday I finally got my therapy letter! I have to call to make an appointment for an initial discussion, then an assessment, then six (I think) sessions of counselling, then they'll see how it's going. All this time I'll be on the waiting list for CBT. Don't know how long that will take. The doc is being fantastic. She's better than I could ever have hoped, even to the extent of booking my next appointment herself because she wants to see me every two weeks and I admitted how hard it was for me to pick up the phone. I see her again a week tomorrow.
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Post by ghost on Jan 21, 2008 13:18:07 GMT -5
so glad for you! maybe you got a good one! ghost
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Post by sleepflower on Jan 21, 2008 16:06:35 GMT -5
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Post by sleepflower on Jan 21, 2008 17:10:33 GMT -5
I'm lonely... I've been sitting here alone all night. I want to, I need to SI, but I can't because of people in the house. I can't see the point of me. I can't see any future; just more and more of the same. I feel that I'm just a waste. Urgh, just ignore me; I felt like some self-pity. In my corner...
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Post by sleepflower on Jan 22, 2008 3:29:09 GMT -5
Thank you so much, Thumper, I wish we were neighbours; I'd love that. We could keep an eye on each other. Hey, the whole of this forum should take over a street somewhere - sparkley street! Was drained and exhausted yesterday and hadn't had any time alone to 'cope' for a whole week. After driving one and a half hours on the motorway in the worst rain and spray so I could hardly see, and busy, busy traffic, then going to a funeral in a town that I'd never been to before, then supporting my mother as my grandfather is in hospital and they're trying to get him into an old people's flat (looooong story!) by yesterday evening I was in a bit of a meltdown. I'll see how it goes today...I'm gonna be alone all day thank goodness, so with a bit of luck I can get some perspective. I hope. But I had a lot of very real and graphic dreams last night and they're still in my brain. It's gonna be a tough week work-wise this week too. Not looking forward to it at all.
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Post by sleepflower on Jan 22, 2008 7:10:15 GMT -5
sparkley street....i love it....the most un-judgmental street in england..... I love it! Can I have a purple front door? That's a(nother) really kind post, Thumper, thanks. I'm eating my favourite food, a baked potato at the moment; does that count? Called the clinic earlier to book my first appointment and when he took my name, he stressed three times that the appointment would be 'as soon as possible'. Is that normal for these places or has the doc's referral letter made me sound particularly crazed? Not doing so well today, can't get my focus again and having bad, bad thoughts, but I've managed half of what was on my list so I guess it's not going too badly. I just can't stop thinking that I'm being really lazy if I don't do all the housework and all my studying in the same couple of days, you know? I feel like I'm wasting the luxury of my part-time status. Does that even make sense? Oh well, got to try to write a poem or 97 now. everyone. x
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Post by sleepflower on Jan 22, 2008 10:32:20 GMT -5
I bet you're not lazy. As you're a mum, I'm sure it's not possible! Housework is boring, I agree, but once I've swiped the dust from the mantlepiece I think I've done enough now. Something that made me smile; I have a bunny rabbit sitting in the front room under a coffee table! Don't know what to say because I'm still in the corner. Can't concentrate, can't study...just doing too much thinking. Stupid brain.
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Post by ghost on Jan 22, 2008 13:19:46 GMT -5
yes, i'll have a black door with a little blue sparkley star on it.. i agree we need a cootie that lets off some steam.. i'll go look.. sorry i was not here either!! but i'm here now.. to add my hugs! ghost
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Post by sleepflower on Jan 22, 2008 16:25:15 GMT -5
Ha ha, thanks Pete and Ghost! Glad you're moving into the street too. Although I'm sure that Lyly would show us all up with her smart and chic door! Urgh, work tomorrow...freaking out, but I'll get through it. I have to. Thank God for all of you...and for hubby. to you all. Going to bed soon, so that I don't have to think. x
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Post by sleepflower on Feb 12, 2008 6:41:16 GMT -5
Sorry everyone that I don't have the energy to read or reply to anything at the moment (and my laptop is playing up) but I just need to try to get this out of my brain. It's been a bad couple of weeks. Fear, sadness, anxiety, worry and too much going on - most of it bad. I have a doctor's appointment again this afternoon and I'm really scared...as usual. I can't even get it together to wash my hair. It took me all morning to just wash up from last night. I have my therapy consultation on Thursday. I feel that I'm on the edge now, that it wouldn't take much for this brittle self-control to snap and for me to go into an absolute meltdown. There's just too much for me. I don't know what to do, except SI. But I'm trying not to, for my husband's sake, but it's getting harder and harder. I don't know where I'm going. I just don't want to be me any more.
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Post by ghost on Feb 12, 2008 12:37:44 GMT -5
sleepflower.. sorry you're having such a hard time.. hey.. try to keep in mind that just starting into therapy is a trigger in itself and can really start bringing up your issues, now that you are in a framework to start addressing them.. try to observe them.. journal everything you feel to talk about later and ride the feelings out.. i know that's easier said than done.. hang tough! ghost
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lyly
Full Member
Posts: 112
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Post by lyly on Feb 12, 2008 13:11:02 GMT -5
mmmh whe this kind of thin happens and if i m at home i go lock myself in a room and i scream... therapy is so hard ...
GIANT HUG
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