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Post by sleepflower on Feb 13, 2008 3:25:50 GMT -5
Thanks everyone Will update later when I can think.
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Post by sleepflower on Feb 17, 2008 16:50:58 GMT -5
Thanks everyone, yet again! Pete - feel free to share 'my' thread whenever you need - and everyone else. Things are too big so I can't address them at the moment - can't even think them out - but the therapist said that the session a week on Monday will be pretty hard and I should have some support when I come out - mentioned this in passing to hubby and he said that he'd take the afternoon off work to meet me and walk me home/be there, etc. Finally managing to talk to him a little as he deserves...not about the SI though, although that is getting worse so it's only a matter of time. So scared of judgement from my past history, but doctor, therapist and hubby have been great so far. Trying to stop drinking too - got it down to drinks every other night rather than every night.
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Post by sleepflower on Feb 18, 2008 6:51:47 GMT -5
Have to go and see my Grandad in a few minutes...feeling so self-destructive today. Went to sleep this morning rather than think. All that I can think about is SI. Hubby forgot about his promise to book time off work to meet me after the therapy a week on Monday. I know he cares, I know it's not his fault, I know how stressed he is at work and I know that he doesn't need me moping round the house like a millstone but I can't help feeling let down. Then I feel pathetic because I'm so pitifully grateful for any little tiny thing that anybody does for me.
Example: somebody gives me a hand with a problem at work. I thank them in person, tell them how much they're appreciated and then follow it up with an e-mail to say thanks. I don't even notice if people don't thank me for giving the same kind of help.
Oh, I don't know. I just feel like such a mess at the moment and I don't know if I can hang on until Monday for the therapy.
Urrgh..
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Post by ghost on Feb 18, 2008 13:22:07 GMT -5
sleeping in has provided a great comfort to me many times, when life seems too big, thank god when sleep can give us a break! i often have a similar situation w/ my hubby, sf.. and although he puts out the thought, it is often not backed up w/ the real thing i need and it is disappointing in the end, like i know afterall no one will be there in my time of need or something? sometimes you need to reassert how important it is.. maybe remind him so he can try again to make arrangements to be there for you? the on/off drinking thing is a great plan.. i've used the one day on/one off for many things (diet/habits) and i feel like it's easier to tackle change this way.. one day i get to relax, one day i try.. hope it works for you.. if you can't wait the week can you arrange a sooner time when hubby can come? i hope he comes through for you.. best of luck on this session! ghost
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Post by sleepflower on Feb 19, 2008 5:35:30 GMT -5
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Post by sleepflower on Feb 20, 2008 10:23:34 GMT -5
Thanks Thumper It's the bunny left behind that I feel sorry for...he's hiding under the dining room table and refuses to come out. I know how he feels. Poor little guy. The good thing is that they were together at the end, and both Elvi (surviving bunny) and I were sitting with Harvey when he died. RIP Harveybun...this place won't be the same without you. In fact, it was an eventful day yesterday. I got one hour's sleep last night because I talked until 2pm with hubby all about my past, in detail about my breakdown, about the SI, about everything that I've never told anybody before. I can say now that we're closer than we've ever been. He's being really good about helping me to get things into perspective. More later. Scary stuff, but good stuff.
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raining
Full Member
And the void would be calling...
Posts: 176
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Post by raining on Feb 20, 2008 13:04:14 GMT -5
That must have been hard but It must be wonderful to trust and love someone enough to confide in them...and to bring you closer together, that must feel like youve got more weight lifted of you emotionally now. Mia x
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Post by sleepflower on Feb 20, 2008 14:55:50 GMT -5
Hubby has been great, but I'm still having a big problem with the SI at the moment. He doesn't know...yet but not sure how long it's going to be now. Oh well. Thumper, I hope your therapy goes really well on Thursday. Hope o/h behaves himself! My therapist asked if I wanted hubby to sit in...this was the last session and I think I went pale and almost fainted! Pete, hope things are better for good with tw and yourself. I really hope that your trust grows. Mia, thanks too. It does feel better; I feel a little more free. I love your avatar. xx
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Post by sleepflower on Feb 24, 2008 16:27:47 GMT -5
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Post by sleepflower on Feb 25, 2008 3:38:54 GMT -5
Sorry, Thumper, I have no idea what day it is most of the time! I'll be thinking about you on Thursday...and now Hope your brain decides to skip the depression. And Mandy, thanks too.
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Post by sleepflower on Feb 27, 2008 3:20:39 GMT -5
Urgh, taken the day off work today. I don't even feel comfortable in my own skin. Been awake since 4am. I don't know where to put myself.
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Post by sleepflower on Feb 27, 2008 10:14:49 GMT -5
Thanks Mandy and Thumper. Spent the morning in bed and caught up a little as I haven't been sleeping well at all lately. I have an assignment to do for my course and I just don't seem to be able to tap into what's needed...I can't even seem to read at the moment. Think I'm going to let my boss know unofficially what's happening with me tomorrow. She's a great lady and a good friend and I feel bad keeping her in the dark and perhaps her just thinking I'm unreliable. Oh, I don't know! Think I may just go back to bed. Almost called the therapist earlier. I feel a little like giving up. Thank goodness hubby is coming home in 45 minutes.
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Post by ghost on Feb 27, 2008 13:35:58 GMT -5
sleepflower, i hope hubby is a support.. i'm the obsessive type.. so when i worry about an appt. - dr or therapist - it at times has kept me up all night going over and over stuff in my brain.. i can't stop it.. so i know how uncomfortable it can be.. remember once the appt. comes and is over with there's usually a huge rush of relief.. and it seems to get easier each time.. with some exceptions of course.. take it easy on yourself, you are doing the best you can and that is good enough! ghost
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Post by sleepflower on Feb 27, 2008 16:21:45 GMT -5
Thanks Ghost...yes, hubby is a great support; I only stop him from being more of a support by my stupid guilty nature that makes me feel bad about needing him and so I shut him out. I know what you mean about being the obsessive type: I've not been sleeping properly for a few weeks now (although I still managed to sleep through the earthquake somehow??) because little things manage to burrow deep into my brain and not let go. Thanks so much for your post: as always you make a lot of sense. x
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Post by sleepflower on Apr 7, 2008 17:14:00 GMT -5
Uh, so desperate to SI now...not alone but the thoughts are taking over my brain. Just looking forward to tomorrow when I can be on my own.
I don't have therapy for two weeks now and I'm afraid. Don't feel strong enough to keep it together for another day. Hubby is playing 40k with friend (and losing) so can't confide in him. Not strong enough for this; feel so alone. He seems to have forgotten all that support stuff and I've regressed back to feeling guilty for taking up his time.
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