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Post by ghost on Sept 11, 2008 12:15:04 GMT -5
p.s. mia.. also.. didn't you say your dad wanted a boy? and that you were the third girl? how wrong is it to try to get your own unmet needs met by having a child that may not be what you ordered!? i remember this because i am also the third daughter of parents who wanted a boy! they even tried to scientifically do everything 'right' somehow for my mom to have me at her prime age & all and guess what they got? Me! so they had to try again to finally get their precious son.. he was treated like King of the children.. you were born here on this earth just like me or anyone else with the Right to find happiness however you can.. you have the same right as any other human being born here so never forget it!
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raining
Full Member
And the void would be calling...
Posts: 176
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Post by raining on Sept 12, 2008 13:23:17 GMT -5
Want to die, Want to die, Want to die, Want to die, Want to die, Want to die, Want to die, Want to die, Want to die, Want to die, Want to die, Want to die, Want to die, Want to die, Want to die, Want to die, Want to die, Want to die, Want to die, I WANT TO DIE cant cope cant cope god take it away I dont want to exist please please stop me existing oh god I cant take it stop it.
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Post by ghost on Sept 12, 2008 18:57:05 GMT -5
i'm sorry you feel that way too mia.. but i'm exalting you for posting write anything you want/need to.. maybe it'll help? ghost
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raining
Full Member
And the void would be calling...
Posts: 176
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Post by raining on Sept 19, 2008 8:42:20 GMT -5
So So So depressed, Crying again now I don't want to be alive.... life's to bad and its impossible mixed with me being unbearable I cant live in my skin and my head, Every things wrong everything's pointless Everything's impossible. God something stop this life carrying on I want to curl up and die. Help Help Help Help Help Help Help Help Help Help Help Help Help Help Help Help ME. Cant let my dad see me crying he will go mad. Hes made it clear that theres to be no more. shit what am I going to do its unbearable. There's No way. Been given some useless anti depressants a couple of days ago which will take weeks if they even help which in my experience they usually dont help me, She wouldnt give me any thing stronger, no one will help me, what little I do get isnt nearly enough, it next to worthless. Seeing in the local paper again of people the same age and younger having their babies and getting married, I remember them from school..... ouch it hurts, im beyond ridiculous and pathetic, not to mention worthless. I want to die because I cant bear being me, in my unbearable situation, ive lost all these years which are supposedly the best i can never get them back and it will take a long time IF i try getting any better which seems impossible. I have to die I cant take it sat here day and night all the time, but I cant get out. Even if i tried getting anything i will still be me in my skin which is more than i can take. every single aspect of my life is beyond abnormal, not one or two problems in this section or that one.. All of it. There is no other way than to die, I really wish I would just do it, im not hanging on for anything/one, just terrified of actually doing it.
Hitting on the weekend, just the funnest time to be feeling suicidal when no doctors are around, well saying that monday I rang my psych but hes only in the building of fridays so the woman answering the phone said make a doctors appointment which took a couple of days, than put on mild anti depressants which takes weeks....I guess theres no help when they are supposed to be around anyway. just told to go away and wait a week, or a few till any mild small bit of help comes your way, then sent of again with no real help. I wonder if im going to be in the psych hospital sometime within the week, It got close last week to me asking for it, if anyone were to have taken notice of course which they didnt. Ive had to hide in the garden a times today when i couldnt hold the tears back, i try my hardest but they escape beyond my control.
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raining
Full Member
And the void would be calling...
Posts: 176
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Post by raining on Sept 20, 2008 8:42:43 GMT -5
Oh im in such a bad place, im sat here trying to cope with these feelings alone again with no comfort or support.....I dont want to exist, God im so depressed and no one will help me, I guess ive got to die there is no other way I cant take this life and being me. I cant stop crying all the time I dont know what to do. Thanks for replying mandy, Im also 23 by the way
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raining
Full Member
And the void would be calling...
Posts: 176
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Post by raining on Sept 20, 2008 9:17:25 GMT -5
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raining
Full Member
And the void would be calling...
Posts: 176
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Post by raining on Sept 20, 2008 9:30:58 GMT -5
Every second is too many, there are too many hours in the day, waking up this morning was so painful, realising i still exist and have a whole day, week, month, year to get through with everyday being the same as this. Im rambling but I have no other outlet, *SI* I cut my leg the other day and for the first time ever it didnt help, i looked at it after doing it and cried as i realised it made no difference at all.
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Post by ghost on Sept 20, 2008 10:36:48 GMT -5
mia.. i'm sorry it's so bad right now.. listening to what you are feeling it so reminds me of when i was on reglan.. (the stomach drug i took for a year that threw me into crippling depression..) my first thought as i woke in the a.m. was i want to die and i went to sleep at night with the same thought echoing until i fell asleep.. i thought there was no hope, but i kept holding on and finally after all the miserable antidepressant trials they figured out the reglan problem! it was like coming alive again once that was removed.. so, although i never want to say 'i understand' (no one ever really understands just what another is going through..) i do want to say 'i get it' how awful it is to feel such unrelenting depression.. the trials on the antidepressants are hard because it takes such time and if one doesn't work (or in my case made me really sick) then you have to wait longer and try the next one.. i had to go on klonopin during it all (tranquilizer) because i was so anxious/agitated/panicked over needing help so desperately.. and i couldn't be left alone for hardly anytime at all.. my hubby even took me along on drives he did for work because being alone was so hard.. so please write all you want here and i hope we can bring you comfort.. i also have emailed the samaritans before and they will write back! it just takes a bit of waiting.. have you had a regular medical dr do tests/blood to rule out any other cause? are you on any other medications that could be doing anything adverse? do you think you are getting enough protein? that was also causing serious problems with me and now that i'm 'recovering' i feel the difference every time i go a bit without protein or my vitamin supplements/iron bvits, etc.. well, sorry about the si.. please take good care of the cuts, ok? i'll be out today but will try to check in here tonight & in the a.m. hang in there, ghost
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raining
Full Member
And the void would be calling...
Posts: 176
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Post by raining on Sept 24, 2008 3:52:03 GMT -5
I want to die Should be writing a 'goodbye' note but cant get the motivation to move, ill have opportunity tonight to attempt, got to get through today (its only 9:50am) been awake hours, might be here tomorrow morning, might not. *sigh*
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Post by ghost on Sept 25, 2008 12:15:34 GMT -5
uh-oh.. miss a day & i miss this? mia, if you are around please give us a reply? hope you are feeling a little better? ghost
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raining
Full Member
And the void would be calling...
Posts: 176
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Post by raining on Sept 25, 2008 13:41:42 GMT -5
Im still here : ( sorry to worry you, in a really bad place at the momant Thank you x
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Post by ghost on Sept 25, 2008 13:55:11 GMT -5
thanks for posting, mia! sorry it's still so hard.. are the new ad's starting to have any helpful affect yet? i know they can take up to like 2 weeks.. and sometimes they make you feel worse first.. ghost
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Post by ghost on Oct 6, 2008 13:15:41 GMT -5
mia, i'm sorry to hear that.. are you getting any relief yet from the new anti-depressants? i know at first they often make you feel worse, but after a couple weeks when your body adjusts and reaches a certain level you should expect to feel a little better at least.. write if it helps.. i'll check back later here.. i'm busy putting up youtubes & google videos today so i'll be around.. come on over if you want: www.youtube.com/user/strungoutandthinghost
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raining
Full Member
And the void would be calling...
Posts: 176
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Post by raining on Oct 6, 2008 14:53:13 GMT -5
Thanks ghost and mandy, mandy hope your doing better too. Dont know what to do, I have to wait untill late thursday afternoon untill I see someone, its only monday night now, Im sat here crying again. Im thinking its a good idea to kill myself, the thoughts are back. I just cant bear it its to overwhelming, may post more, need to get some of it out Im desperate for someone to take this away from me. tablets are waking me in the middle of night making me ill, which is to be expected I suppose. also around 2.45am i woke feeling very high, I felt like my brain was trying to fly out of my head, back to feeling really bad now though. *sigh* it just never gets better after all these years does it
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