Post by Juliet on Nov 8, 2008 13:31:07 GMT -5
Hi,
I've been having a bad time today, and as I often retreat to logic I read up about attachment disorder on wikipedia and found the link to here.
I'm not quite sure what to say... I had a big blow-up with someone I've chatted with online for three months, and he's now blocked me. Which sent me into a total spiral as it always does when someone cuts me off. That's happened repeatedly over the past year or two.
After a mild overdose in September I got referred back to my local community psychiatric centre, where I am being referred to something called the Complex Needs Service - apparently I should get an appointment around early December. But I'm fairly sure it won't help - I know I shouldn't be negative before it starts, but I really don't think it will help. I've had therapy in the past (CAT) and that just seems to have brought more complications to light, for me.
I bury myself in my work, I avoid people who I know will be there for me, I make demands on those I know won't... I'm an intelligent person so I can see I'm doing things wrong but that doesn't mean I can flick the switch to 'doing things right'.
I'm really tired of feeling like this; I know it's my fault because I'm avoiding taking the antidepressants prescribed (they affected my work and didn't make me feel better, though again it's my own fault for not taking them long enough to give them a chance), I don't open up to people, I don't Let Things Go, and so on.
I don't know what I'm hoping to get from posting here - knowing that I'm not the only one probably won't help (I already know that), suggestions of advice may not be taken up because I think I don't have time to act on them and I don't think they'd work. I wish I wasn't a negative person, but apparently I just am.
Anyway, this is turning into a rambling mess and I don't even know if anyone is going to respond to it. So I'll sign off the message here. Thanks at least for reading, if you did.
I've been having a bad time today, and as I often retreat to logic I read up about attachment disorder on wikipedia and found the link to here.
I'm not quite sure what to say... I had a big blow-up with someone I've chatted with online for three months, and he's now blocked me. Which sent me into a total spiral as it always does when someone cuts me off. That's happened repeatedly over the past year or two.
After a mild overdose in September I got referred back to my local community psychiatric centre, where I am being referred to something called the Complex Needs Service - apparently I should get an appointment around early December. But I'm fairly sure it won't help - I know I shouldn't be negative before it starts, but I really don't think it will help. I've had therapy in the past (CAT) and that just seems to have brought more complications to light, for me.
I bury myself in my work, I avoid people who I know will be there for me, I make demands on those I know won't... I'm an intelligent person so I can see I'm doing things wrong but that doesn't mean I can flick the switch to 'doing things right'.
I'm really tired of feeling like this; I know it's my fault because I'm avoiding taking the antidepressants prescribed (they affected my work and didn't make me feel better, though again it's my own fault for not taking them long enough to give them a chance), I don't open up to people, I don't Let Things Go, and so on.
I don't know what I'm hoping to get from posting here - knowing that I'm not the only one probably won't help (I already know that), suggestions of advice may not be taken up because I think I don't have time to act on them and I don't think they'd work. I wish I wasn't a negative person, but apparently I just am.
Anyway, this is turning into a rambling mess and I don't even know if anyone is going to respond to it. So I'll sign off the message here. Thanks at least for reading, if you did.