new and anxious

[ghost]

hi and welcome thumper!

^^ these hugs are safe 'cause they're virtual.. hehe..

i'm glad you posted.. this forum is really small but that kinda makes it safer.. i've found on the large boards that there's alot of meanspiritedness.. but here everyone has been very kind and supportive..

i haven't been diagnosed with ad, but i know i am fearful/avoidant also.. i'm diagnosed as agoraphobic.. so i know all about having set routes and feeling safest at home.. and having very few interactions with others..

i really get it about your folks being better grandparents than they were parents.. i've watched the same thing occur with my son.. the abuse and neglect are over and they've mellowed out.. it sometimes feels like it erases my whole reality.. my memories..

my problem is also feeling invisible..
please know that here you are not..
i learned to hug from my nieces and son and husband..

feel free to look around and read the threads.. and let me know if you need any help with anything, ok?
glad you are here,
ghost


p.s.
you can't really "post wrong" here..
almost anything goes..

[clover]

Hi Thumper! Welcome!

boy do I relate to being anxious, I'm anxious every time I post and I'm not even new.

I'm glad you got yourself to post and I hope you will do so as often and you can.

I was never held as an infant/toddler. when I was 4, I remember being excited when my mom would get a phone call-- because then she sat down and I forced myself onto her lap -- for a brief moment I would pretend that someone WAS close to me. I'm sorry you didn't get cuddled or kissed either. Good for you in learning to do a hug! that's a great step IMO (in my opinion)

Hope you have a great day/evening/night!

clover

[clover]

Cool, I'm glad this site makes you feel normal! It helps to make me feel less alone.

Oh yes, I have some triggers too-- just recently I discovered out one-- and I was so proud of myself to have figured it out on my own!! guess that past therapy I grudgingly went through, may have helped more than I realized!

anyway-- I figured out that when I'm in a crowd I switch into a "survival type" mode--- I never realized this before--- I walk fast and wind through people like I'm in a race to get to my destination before I get left behind. (I would get lost from my mom when I was 3-5 years old, in stores, as I couldn't keep up with her large strides-- she never would look for me)........ anyway--- in the past month I've been trying very hard to NOT switch into "survival mode" when I'm in crowds, and try to keep my anxiety at a lower level-- it is very hard......not been too successful yet-- but I'm going to keep trying.

thank you for sharing-- as it helps me also to share and sharing and talking about these things is helpful.

I hope you let some more out of your head real soon!

clover

[clover]

Thumper-- you said-- "Dont think people realise how hard it is to even attend the appointment in the first place"...... I agree-- I don't think some understand just how difficult it is for some of us.

Good for you for trying therapy. I've been with three different therapists-- all together-- about 3 years worth.

It is helpful when one has siblings to help put "pieces" of the puzzle together. I have many siblings and an older one told me of how my mom wouldn't hold me or respond to my needs when I was an infant. Then by around 3 years of age, I've had my own memories to help me in understanding how things were and how it's affected me. I have siblings that struggle like me and some that are struggling more than I am. Sorry that your brother was treated better than you-- I have that to deal with too-- It's been very hard for me to grasp......... that a parent can treat one child better than others...... I don't understand that at all.... and throughtout my life I've blamed myself for not being lovable.

Thanks for the compliment, I think we all have much to contribute here, and I'm glad you are posting as well as others too.

Hope you have a good day Thumper!

clover

[sleepflower]

"Dont think people realise how hard it is to even attend the appointment in the first place, then open up to someone strange. Went to the doctor's for help a few months ago. Had to write everything down, so he could read it, as I told him I wouldnt speak to him. He then decided the best way forward was to talk about it with strangers!!!! Cancelled both sessions from just being to anxious to go.
I dont like crowds either. Feel like I shouldnt be there. A pub is the worst one.....I usually sit outside.

My parents arent aware what they have done to me (its not talked about)"

************************************************
Hi Thumper and welcome!
(Sorry to everyone else that I haven't been around for so long)
All the above sounds so exactly like me that I was amazed. (But in my case it was depression/SI/ED/bad handling by therapist and family that's still having effects 13 years later.) I know what you mean too about feeling better that others feel the same way, but bad because they have to feel as bad!
hope you'll find what you need here - these people are a great crowd.
S
x

[emma]

Forgive me for chiming in so late AND I haven't even read the whole post, only your first one Clover and I want to say that you have most certainly found the right place. Welcome!
I am so sorry to read your story, but glad that you are finding a way to love your children. It's good that that is possible for us.

It's great that you have joined along with some other new voices. Yay for the AD's!

[nippleclimber]

I figured out this past winter that I had attachment anxiety. I've been trying to attach with a woman, but each time I find a good one I drive her away with my clingyness. And then one said I why are you so "anxious" and I got my first clue, and another suggested a book that talked about attachment disorders. So at least now I know.

But I've been working on figuring out how best to deal with the feeling I have. Something I'm trying now is to just realize that the part of me that gives me my gut sense of how things are going in a relationship is miscalculating. I feel like things are going really bad when they aren't. It's a gut feeling. So what I'm trying now is to just say to myself that I'm going to feel that, but then I'm going to compensate with my mind before I act. I'll still feel bad and there appears nothing I can do about that, but at least I'll act less clingy. So that's my 2c for today. Thanks for all your posts. Here's to trying to be a secure person.

[ghost]

nippleclimber said:

I figured out this past winter that I had attachment anxiety. I've been trying to attach with a woman, but each time I find a good one I drive her away with my clingyness. And then one said I why are you so "anxious" and I got my first clue, and another suggested a book that talked about attachment disorders. So at least now I know.

But I've been working on figuring out how best to deal with the feeling I have. Something I'm trying now is to just realize that the part of me that gives me my gut sense of how things are going in a relationship is miscalculating. I feel like things are going really bad when they aren't. It's a gut feeling. So what I'm trying now is to just say to myself that I'm going to feel that, but then I'm going to compensate with my mind before I act. I'll still feel bad and there appears nothing I can do about that, but at least I'll act less clingy. So that's my 2c for today. Thanks for all your posts. Here's to trying to be a secure person.

hey, welcome!


re: what you said here..
that kind of self-awareness is really all therapy tries to help you achieve.. since it's all we can do is become aware of what we do unconsciously and try to understand where we are likely to trip ourselves up.. you're on the right track..
i relate too.. i'm always looking up for the other shoe to drop!

ghost

p.s. can't wait to see what avatar you choose...