accepting ourselves

[ghost]

thumper,
i'm sorry you're in such a lonely place right now..
accepting ourselves is a huge one.. i think we all keep working on that all our lives.. i know i am..

i was watching this oprah show yesterday with people who are dying of cancer.. giving out advice on how to live, etc.. well, to me it all so often just makes you feel like it's our fault if we're not happy.. and that's just not the whole story, you know? i feel like i've had to pull myself up by my own bootstraps so many times without anyone's help.. without anyone else ever being there.. those times are just invisible.. but they count..
for as hard as we may try we are just human and often it's a lonely road.. you have to realize that it is your life and that's what makes it have value.. that you do with it what brings you happiness.. that what other people think is not the biggest importance, but what you think..

we were born here onto this earth the same as any other person and have the same right to try to find our happiness.. no matter how human we are.. no matter what mistakes we've made.. i bet you can think of so many right off that have screwed up big time, and yet often we can be forgiving/understanding of others long before we can be kind to ourselves..

i for one am one of those who believe the idea that all of the birds can be flying in the wrong direction.. in other words, i don't mind if i am the lone bird going the other way.. if it feels like it's the right way for me then i will follow my own instinct, not what everyone else says.. i'm even kinda stubborn that way.. since i've learned from alot of tough experiences.. so i get some self esteem from knowing i've had to find my way alone so much..

i don't know if anyone has had as much therapy as i have..
geez, i've been in and out of therapy half of my life.. spent tens of thousands of dollars.. some of it was a waste of time and money, some not..
at some point i got tired of the weekly official critiquing of my life/lifestyle.. i mean, it's their job to change you.. for your own good of course.. but you are the one choosing if you want change or not.. i got to a point where i didn't want to be changed anymore.. maybe that's a kind of acceptance? it's not happiness.. but acceptance..
it got to where it just felt like it was there to make me feel bad about myself all the time.. and why should i feel bad? i have not failed..

i don't know if you feel like you have failed in life? or that you have failed to have the love/acceptance/admiration from others that you need? that is the kind of 'failing' i feel like i have.. no matter how i try, i feel alone..

i think sometimes remembering the 'bad things' is just because we need validation so we provide it for ourselves.. maybe if you felt truly heard and understood in the full impact of what happened to you.. and felt connected to the feelings associated with those things where you could share them.. maybe then you could start letting those things move over and allow more good things to take their place?

well, now i'm rambling and maybe not making sense..
but i hope you know you are not alone in feeling alone..
even married and with a grown son and 7 kitties.. i feel alone all the time.. it just means there is something you need that is still going missing..

take care,
ghost

[sportsfan]

Hi accepting ourselves,

Yes - you do get to the point where you accept yourself - the good, the bad, and the ugly. I have, it took a long time, and was a long journey, but a journey I would never turn back from, ever. I haven't gotten to the point where I don't judge myself or others as much, I still have my moments and it is progress not perfection. One day at a time. I just refuse to get into shame, shame for me was the killer, and the deflator of everything good in my life. Shame would always be the killjoy at every good thing that I had in my life....if something good would happen in my life, shame would be there saying to me, look at you getting so cocky, look at you , sound like a braggart - this shame always had to take a bite out of me, until finally I just got to the point where I don't accept the shame's crap anymore - I tell the shame to shut the hell up, I am not buying into it's shit anymore, and that no matter what happens I am a good and worthwhile person. I am one of God's children, and God has unconditional love for me. And I kind of have a agreement with God, He allows me to swear at the shame, and the negative thoughts in my head. God is actually pretty cool ! and isn't this rigid, judgemental parent up in the sky, nah, He is a friend, He is a guide, He is my best friend. It is like I have a partnership with God. Me personally I have struggled so much with avoiding feeling overly confident, or overly happy, or overly secure - I have spent so much energy, and mental chatter playing these games in my head. I figure now, that I just let myself go, I am not going to put up this protective net to ensure that I am not over the top, and if I do go over the top, well I will deal with and when that becomes a problem, but I don't need to spend time trying to protect against something that I don't even know for sure is happening. These are old tapes that I have heard from my mom in the past, and I am challenging them now....for God's sake I was such a quiet, shy kid well what the hell Mom, so what if I was overly confident, that was probably good for a very shy kid, and who is she to say what is too cocky, or too happy, or too whatever. She was depressed most of my childhood, why am I going to take advice from her, she had a very troubled life - just because she is my mom doesn't mean that she is the expert on these things. I love my mom dearly, and respect her, and God bless her soul on this Mother's Day, and I miss her dearly, she has been gone now for 16 years succumbing to ovarian cancer. But she didn't know best, and I have learned to disconnect those tapes, without disconnecting my love for her. She was my mom, and the only mom I ever had, and will always love her and she loved me and would only want what is best for me. She did the best with what she had, she was a survivor, and she would be happy to know that I am going back and cleaning up hurts from the past. So I have gotten to the point now where I don't judge anything that I do, I trust myself, I am a good person, and really most people are. I think most things do not fit into a bad or good category, that really most things just fit into "it is what it is" category that most things are neither good or bad they just are And maybe, just maybe we don't really need to know I do think that the spiritual piece is very important to getting to this point