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Therapy
Feb 1, 2008 14:18:06 GMT -5
Post by ghost on Feb 1, 2008 14:18:06 GMT -5
wow.. i wish i had brilliant suggestions.. but instead i have my own set of gripes as well!! but, mandy, i know what you mean when you think someone 'gets' you and you then are surprised that they seriously don't! as for the eating disorder subject, obviously i am someone who had to deal with it mostly in my 30's.. w/ everyone calling that and si a 'teen' thing! (although i did start the behaviors in my teens, i still found this dismaying.. there is in fact a wave of 30/40 somethings w/ eds..) and i think of it much like other addictive behavior.. although i guess it possibly goes deeper than addiction? about your gripe #2.. she's basically just calling you codependent for trying to 'take care' of your mom/parents.. when it affects you, where do you draw the line? i mean, you still live there.. i moved back home for awhile when my son was small, and all my parents' crap affected us every day.. personal therapy gripes:unconditional positive regard.. the fake plastic lie.. as an ad person it does more damage realizing the lies than if they'd just been for real in the first place.. si & bpd.. not everyone dealing w/ si is borderline personality disorder, but that is an old box they've been throwing away 'difficult' patients in for ages.. it's widely known that if you are a handful for your therapist they often diagnose you as bpd! a hallmark of this disorder is black & white thinking when it comes to people.. i remember when my last therapist ran out of tricks to try to help me and started trying to make a case for my 'black & white' thinking.. i could see her trying to stuff me into that box/label!! what i thought of as 'scientific method' in ruling in/out safe foods (since i had migraines & stomach issues, as well as allergies/sensitivities..) she called b&w thinking! so ludicrous as i am so grey when it comes to people that i still see even my parents as having good in them, as well as my x therapist!!! that is why i am still forever getting hurt by the humans! if i truly could just hate them all i'd leave them alone and be safe.. ug! how they pick up on the first sentence out of your mouth and make the entire session around it even if it was not something important and you'd like to change the subject to something you want to say.. (like thumper's gripe #3) how they believe they 'know better' and so close their minds/ears and stop hearing what you are saying, forever remaining in the dark about real issues.. oh i will just go on & on.. great thread! ghost
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Therapy
Feb 6, 2008 19:01:21 GMT -5
Post by ghost on Feb 6, 2008 19:01:21 GMT -5
mandy i just read the first of your two posts and had to comment.. then i'll read the second.. i went to a psychologist for years who then just all of a sudden 'decided' i had been molested by my alcoholic father! i had NO memory of it.. never accused him of this or anything.. they go Too far trying to snap you out of what they imagine is a repressed memory, in my opinion.. i don't even deny that there is alot of possibility in my case of such things happening, probably with other people, rather than my father.. but i searched my remote memory long and hard, and i find it wrong for the 'pros' to put stuff into your head that you did not suggest yourself.. it's how they got all that 'repressed memory of satanic ritual' problem some time back that all turned out to be false and brought out during hypnosis much like imagination/fantasy or a dream.. those people had to be re-analyzed and treated to overcome the damage done by the False memories! so keep your head.. you have the smarts to discern your actual suspicions or memories from planted ones.. you know? ghost i just read your other post.. maybe this is not a good match, mandy.. it sure helps when you have a good sense that the therapist 'gets' you.. but breaking it down and just going on my own therapy experiences it gives me these thoughts.. first of all.. you say you don't 'assert' well enough to correct her in calling you amanda rather than mandy.. i also have a problem 'asserting'.. it comes from always being in the role of taking care of another's emotional well being before my own.. does this fit you? resentment/frustration build up though.. when you are in this position.. and she senses this.. perhaps she is even 'testing' you.. putting you in conflict to try to push you to talk about this frustration.. to get at this anger/resentment.. because we all know this anger turned inward causes.. of course.. Depression. maybe she does have too much difficulty relating with you.. or maybe she's trying to help you break out of an emotional caretaking position and assert your own needs.. it's good to have a degree of 'healthy selfishness'.. to take your own needs into account as much as you would anyone else's.. like on an airplane they always say if there's an emergency put your own oxygen mask on first.. not on your child, spouse, other, etc.. or you will die and not be able to help anyone.. it's kinda like that in life.. not having healthy selfishness kills us.. eventually and in slow motion.. anyway.. those are my thoughts.. the 'how are you feeling right now' is classic therapy.. classic.. you will run into that with any other therapist i am certain.. you were right to be frustrated.. maybe next time try to say so, even if it upsets you.. although i know how unguarded/vulnerable this feels.. i wanted to be able to do this.. but i dissociate so bad.. i just shut off/down in therapy. keep writing! ghost
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Post by ghost on Feb 7, 2008 0:23:36 GMT -5
mandy.. i know the feeling about having suspicions about possible early abuse and wondering whether something has been repressed.. i really wonder w/ me.. i mean i basically was taken out on dates alone with a known pedophile.. (bad, huh?) but it can't be forced out of you, i don't believe.. and it bugs me when pros jump to decisions or diagnoses about you prematurely or innacurately because it just causes even more problems.. maybe you should look for another therapist.. i absolutely went from one to the other until i found one i really felt was on my wavelength.. but if you do stay maybe you could just say next time she calls you amanda 'you know, i'd really prefer it if you'd call me mandy'? she really should've remembered something as important as that.. that would really bug me! i'm avoidant too.. so i get you about leaving rather than getting into it all.. 'cause problems' like you say.. but that's because some of us were raised knowing that anything we need emotionally 'causes problems'.. it's like it's a burden on the universe for others to treat us with the decency we'd expect for anyone else.. it shouldn't be.. but we learned that very well. so that's what i mean by caretaking.. we sacrifice our needs for someone else's comfort/convenience.. it supports them.. and in the short term it protects us from immediate repercussions sometimes.. but long term it costs us toooo much.. as a human we have 'dependency needs' since we are innately social.. it's our nature.. when no one meets them we build defenses to handle it.. to deal with it ourselves.. i decide 'i don't care' (i do really.. but i can shut it off and will myself past caring..) this is dysfunction.. we're supposed to learn trust by getting our dependency needs met.. so we don't trust. it's a vicious cycle.. but finding the right person to build trust with is crucially important.. so maybe you should find someone else afterall? anyway.. i hope you get to that point.. it's so demoralizing to feel like therapy is a waste. ghost
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Therapy
Feb 25, 2008 12:43:14 GMT -5
Post by ghost on Feb 25, 2008 12:43:14 GMT -5
i missed it too.. exalted for sticking with it, mandy.. hope it's a better match for you.. ghost
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raining
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And the void would be calling...
Posts: 176
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Therapy
Feb 25, 2008 14:45:03 GMT -5
Post by raining on Feb 25, 2008 14:45:03 GMT -5
Oh i haven't seen this thread before, I would like to add if that's okay. Some of the gripes with my psychotherapist are: * How when i say i feel a certain way and explain why i think its happening he'll disagree and say "I know I'm right" (YES he did actually say that, on three occasions). sometimes he reads to far into something and i see him smiling to himself and he wants it to be true because hes pleased with himself he doesn't care if its actually incorrect, hes never wrong. end of . * If i say I've been thinking about suicide a lot more he'll just say "well don't you always" and completely ignore it and talk about something irrelevant * he wont listen or talk about what i want to, example, i told him I'm not eating because i literally want to disappear I'm so depressed, and he can physically see I've lost a lot of weight and am very bony, yet he will not mention it or discuss it, its obviously not interesting enough for him , he sees people as case studdies, picking out only bits that he wants to bother with. * He in three years never talks about my anxiety, if i go in shaking not being able to breath with it, running to the toilets on a couple of occasions, he'll just sit there in silence staring at me, he never talks about it until a few weeks ago i told him I'm scared of someone breaking in or causing trouble and his exact words were (after a big laugh), "well that doesn't actually sound very scary or nightmarish", i thought he'd be trained up on this but obviously he doesn't get it at all. it doesn't matter if it sound silly or unrealistic to other people, the point is its seriously distressing to me. He knows i never leave the house and have no life but again, doesnt want to know anything about it. * when i was put on the medication i was on before this one i said they gave me panic attacks the first week, i started to talk more over the time i was taking them and now talk less because Ive had to change them, he wont believe the tablets made the difference, brought on the attacks, he thinks its all down to him, he thinks the timing of these things are just coincidence. I could go on and on
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raining
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And the void would be calling...
Posts: 176
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Therapy
Feb 25, 2008 15:33:05 GMT -5
Post by raining on Feb 25, 2008 15:33:05 GMT -5
:(Thumper, thank you. Didn't go to appointment Friday, trying to get the strength to say something to him and possibly leave, although I hate him sometimes and i know how he treats me I'm too attached to leave... Hope your good today too xxx Mia
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raining
Full Member
And the void would be calling...
Posts: 176
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Therapy
Feb 25, 2008 15:53:03 GMT -5
Post by raining on Feb 25, 2008 15:53:03 GMT -5
No, hes never helped actually, He wasnt keen on me seeking additional help away from him but then when i did he changed it and started saying he cant help me on his own, He always twists things.
*confused to say the least*
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raining
Full Member
And the void would be calling...
Posts: 176
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Therapy
Feb 25, 2008 16:09:42 GMT -5
Post by raining on Feb 25, 2008 16:09:42 GMT -5
um... I dont actually have anxiety over not going, but i get really depressed if i dont, very empty as if ive lost something, or someone. I see a psychiatrist once in a blue moon and a doctor just to check up on medication but their not really to speak to, if i see someone else ill have a long waiting time, thats if they agree to see me.
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raining
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And the void would be calling...
Posts: 176
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Therapy
Feb 25, 2008 16:23:07 GMT -5
Post by raining on Feb 25, 2008 16:23:07 GMT -5
Its an awful feeling, you just want to block it out with something. Ive been close to taking drugs or something just to make it go away for a while,like you I sometimes drink, especially at night to put me to sleep
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raining
Full Member
And the void would be calling...
Posts: 176
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Therapy
Feb 25, 2008 16:38:03 GMT -5
Post by raining on Feb 25, 2008 16:38:03 GMT -5
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Therapy
Feb 25, 2008 22:59:21 GMT -5
Post by ghost on Feb 25, 2008 22:59:21 GMT -5
the empty feeling.. yeah.. around here we all used to call it 'the ache'.. 'the abyss' that pete uses comes from it.. raining.. this guy's not good for you.. but i know it's what's familiar to you and you've attached to him.. often we attach to someone who treats us poorly the same way we've been treated before.. it's what we know.. and i know how hard it is to break away.. (i attach to certain people and i've had to break it off more than once when it wasn't good for me..) since i can look back on it now i would say that getting as much of a support system first is the best thing you could do.. in fact, i don't know how it works there in the uk? but here i would start looking for someone else to talk to and not even mention it to 'him'.. once you find someone else that you feel understands the predicament you find yourself in they can support the transition over to a new therapist, so you are not left alone in the lurch.. this would be ideal.. so you could allow someone else to help you assert and walk out on this bozo.. i don't want to say anything hurtful, but the truth seems to be that he is not taking you seriously.. and i don't know what could be more painful when you feel attached and need help.. take care and i hope we can all help you here too! ghost
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raining
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And the void would be calling...
Posts: 176
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Therapy
Feb 26, 2008 12:48:35 GMT -5
Post by raining on Feb 26, 2008 12:48:35 GMT -5
::)Thanks for the support you guys xxx I'm seriously considering my options, the problem is changing wont be easy, I live in a small place and see someone through the NHS because I cant afford to pay, the place i go is a small building with only a few therapists and I will have to ask him to refer me to someone else Mandy I'm sorry yours has upset you again, a lot of them do seem patronising unfortunately, about the jury duty, can you just go to your GP (family doctor there i think) I'm sure if i went to mine they would write a note excusing having to go. Hi Pete, I'm glad you've found someone else, your right about the plateau thing, but mines been right from the beginning! Hope all goes well for you. xxx
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Therapy
Feb 27, 2008 19:32:19 GMT -5
Post by ghost on Feb 27, 2008 19:32:19 GMT -5
gosh, mandy i was in that same spot for years when i was your age.. same thing, wait till i got too sick then pay out of pocket at the urgent care clinic.. it's hard.. but it seems like even in the uk where everyone is covered? am i right? that there are drawbacks, like this waiting and taking what you get.. at least here once you have good insurance you can get 2nd, 3rd opinions, whatever.. but it sure does cost.. ghost
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raining
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And the void would be calling...
Posts: 176
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Therapy
Feb 28, 2008 10:03:31 GMT -5
Post by raining on Feb 28, 2008 10:03:31 GMT -5
Thumpers right, waiting times here are awful, i had to wait 3 months to see the therapist im seeing now, same every time I've seen someone new over the years. some people needing serious life saving operations sometimes wait months to a couple of years to have it done, im sure some have died waiting that long. some people cant get potentially life saving medicines because they live in a certain part of the country (like thumper said, the postcode lottery) and our hospitals are full of MRSA.
But I cant complain too much because its nice going to the doctors and having operations without having to worry about cost.
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