depressionfest.. Mar 28, 2008 12:57:10 GMT -5
Post by ghost on Mar 28, 2008 12:57:10 GMT -5
on top of AD/insecure attachment issues i've been told half the things on that 'invalidation' list all my life..
it truly trains you to hate yourself..
to feel vile and never loveable..
that's always the predicament, pete, like you say..
is it better to be alone alone..
or alone due to being ignored or invisible?
i usually choose alone alone because i know what i'm up against..
and i know what i can do to get through the days that way..
with others there's bound to be some expectancy.. dare i say hope.. that they'll value you.. Surprise! not usually.
being ignored is dreadful.
and i understand how bad it must feel to only see smiles when money is needed..?
it's kinda different with my hubster..
he tries to use buying things to make everything better.. always has..
i've told him if that's the way he wanted to deal with life perhaps he should've been a millionaire.. because we can't afford that method of coping with conflict.. run out and buy me something on credit.. EEEK!! it actually just causes me more insecurity..
and then in the end he blames me for it if he buys me something..
and of course i feel guilty as hell if i want or accept the item..
impulsive spending is a hallmark of a.d.d.
amazing how difficult it is for humans to just be good stewards of each other..
i know hubby's a decent guy in there.. it shows sometimes..
so i (perhaps foolishly) go on slightly hoping for improvement..