Post by charityq on May 29, 2007 19:18:46 GMT -5
Hi everyone,
This is my first time posting, and I'm hoping someone can relate and/or point me to some helpful resources to help me with AD.
A bit of background: I'm a highly sensitive person, only child. My mother was a violent alcoholic (she turned herself around about 8 yeas ago) and my father spent most of his time away working. I was an overachiever in school, but always beat to my own drummer. When I hit puberty, I was seen as an "outsider" and since, I've had a lot of trouble making friends - and those I make are usually older (10+ years) and male.
As I understand it now, I show the classic signs of Anxious-ambivalent to anxious-preoccupied. Everything is normal, something traumatic or startling occurs - and ZAP - suddenly I'm all jittery and I stick to the person like a fly to a sticky trap (obsession with pleasing them, the desire to merge... not in a sexual way, just really want to be close). Then I panic more, fearing they'll leave me. If all goes well and they respond positively, I feel exhilarated - suddenly I am strong and vibrant...for a little while. Then it's back to anxiety. If it goes badly, I get depressed and back off, isolate myself. Either way it eventually resolves over time - but it keeps happening over & over with each new relationship I make.
I am entering a new friendship now and starting to show the signs again. I enjoy the "happiness highs", but I can't take the rollercoaster of emotions anymore. Worse, in recent years I've gone to hurting myself, digging my nails into my arms to find a way to release the excess energy, and I guess to punish myself for thinking so much about other males (I'm married).
I have already been to several counselors and talked till I was blue in the face to no effect. I tried an alternative treatment which involved no talking but touch of the hands and spinal manipulation - and the person got attached to me and vice versa!!
I'm too broke right now to seek professional help, even if I wanted anyway. Magnesium helps as does omega 3's, but it doesn't solve the root cause of the issue...I'm scared and don't know what do to.
I hope someone will reply with ideas or share their stories.
This is my first time posting, and I'm hoping someone can relate and/or point me to some helpful resources to help me with AD.
A bit of background: I'm a highly sensitive person, only child. My mother was a violent alcoholic (she turned herself around about 8 yeas ago) and my father spent most of his time away working. I was an overachiever in school, but always beat to my own drummer. When I hit puberty, I was seen as an "outsider" and since, I've had a lot of trouble making friends - and those I make are usually older (10+ years) and male.
As I understand it now, I show the classic signs of Anxious-ambivalent to anxious-preoccupied. Everything is normal, something traumatic or startling occurs - and ZAP - suddenly I'm all jittery and I stick to the person like a fly to a sticky trap (obsession with pleasing them, the desire to merge... not in a sexual way, just really want to be close). Then I panic more, fearing they'll leave me. If all goes well and they respond positively, I feel exhilarated - suddenly I am strong and vibrant...for a little while. Then it's back to anxiety. If it goes badly, I get depressed and back off, isolate myself. Either way it eventually resolves over time - but it keeps happening over & over with each new relationship I make.
I am entering a new friendship now and starting to show the signs again. I enjoy the "happiness highs", but I can't take the rollercoaster of emotions anymore. Worse, in recent years I've gone to hurting myself, digging my nails into my arms to find a way to release the excess energy, and I guess to punish myself for thinking so much about other males (I'm married).
I have already been to several counselors and talked till I was blue in the face to no effect. I tried an alternative treatment which involved no talking but touch of the hands and spinal manipulation - and the person got attached to me and vice versa!!
I'm too broke right now to seek professional help, even if I wanted anyway. Magnesium helps as does omega 3's, but it doesn't solve the root cause of the issue...I'm scared and don't know what do to.
I hope someone will reply with ideas or share their stories.