feel retarded

[lyly]

am i a fucking disabled ?
i feel like a shit right now ...
all the people around me seem to take everything easy, to do everything right ..
why it should take 3 weeks for me to change of restaurant ? 3 months to be decided to take the bus.. i can't sleep if everything is not planned in advance, meeting people terrify me , I FEELL LIKE I AM IN A FUCKING BOX AND I CAN T GO OUT OF IT
and I'm sad when i think to my future cause i know it will never get better .. I'm affraid to don't be able to have friends at the Uni .. don't be able to get a job, have a fucking life like everybody else

[ghost]

hey lyly..
take heart..

i have this issue with everything from restaurants to new foods or any new situation..
it's all about mistrust/insecurity.. from our pasts.. and our innate personalities..

i've been grappling with agoraphobia for a lifetime and have a son in college now who has the same kind of personality.. we are just wired differently than the extroverts.. we are more sensitive.. and being sensitive is not a bad thing.. even though it's made life tougher i wouldn't trade it to be insensitive..
it makes for great artists and compassionate people!


what has helped most with me is giving myself an 'out'..
it is that feeling of pressure we put on ourselves, or others put on us that pushes us into overwhelm..
allow yourself an out if you need it..

plan that you will let yourself out of anxiety producing situations if you really need to.. once you start to trust that you can leave if you must, you find that you can get through situations much better.. decide that your peace of mind is Important.. as important as anyone else's.. once you can trust that you will take care of yourself first the anxiety lessens..

and it's ok to be shy.. a large percentage of the people around you are too, and they're just trying to get by the best they can as well.. you will always be able to find at least one other in a group that can relate to feeling awkward.. out of place..

and we social outcasts are usually the most interesting people out there.. hehe!


take care,
ghost

[lyly]

thanks ...
i feel .. better now ..
i'll try to break the pressure uring the holidays ..

[sleepflower]

I know what you mean - it's so horrible, when you see everyone around you being happy, coping, getting on with their lives and you're just stuck. You'll have a great time at Uni, I'm sure; I'm so oversensitive that it's embarrassing sometimes, but I managed to graduate and take a husband back with me! In my experience, people are a lot more tolerant at Uni; I told one potential friend about my SI (one of the bravest things I ever did!) and she told me that she'd been anorexic and was still on the edge at the time. She's still one of the best friends I'll ever know.
it takes a lot of courage to go to University, but it's the best experience I ever had. Hope it's the same for you, but I'm sure it will be.
x

[sleepflower]

"Got a table for one and ordered. Then realized that a couple women with kids had no control over the kids. I sat there and suffered with the noise untill they finally left. Did I get up the gumption to ask for another table? "

Oh my god Pete, that's just me! I'll sit there with them gnawing on my legs rather than say anything!

(Yep...this techie got the quote thing wrong again!!)