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Post by ghost on Apr 22, 2008 16:52:43 GMT -5
sf.. glad she was a help for you.. even if you didn't show her your cuts i am glad she asked to see.. it's the thought anyway.. my last therapist seemed too squeamish about it all.. hardly ever asked about it even though i'd bring it up here & there.. but i also did not want a Big deal made of it so i let it go.. the one time she asked me to show her i showed her some light healing scratches that seemed harmless enough.. (keeping hidden the deeper ones..) but then i worried that she wouldn't take it serious.. it's a difficult call.. a month.. that'll be tough.. please let us help in any way we can here! ghost
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Post by sleepflower on May 3, 2008 16:24:36 GMT -5
...and so here we go again...
I was doing really well, in fact yesterday I was really happy and didn't care what others thought and wasn't questioning myself for the first time in years. I've had a really good promotion at work that's doubled my wage, for a manager that I really like and trust and I'm really enjoying the job. Then today I was doing OK until I decided to check my results for my writing course.
The results - the tutor absolutely slated my work even though it was all about my past and I thought I'd been really brave in writing it (it was an autobiographical piece). He made me feel completely pathetic by saying that it was 'disappointing' that he had to mark me down on 'basic' things at this point in the course. It was damned hard to write! Plus during this portion of the course my Grandad passed away, I've had some big depression-type problems and had to support my mother with my Grandad's illness, death and the administration of the estate. So I've had no time at all for me and nobody seems to care about how I feel.
Hubby has been on his computer all day - I tried to talk about it earlier but he took it all onto himself; 'I feel like it's my fault', etc, then tried to answer it with logic. I know he wants to help, but logic and being told to 'contact your tutor and ask him exactly what's wrong with your work' isn't what I need. I know that my work is crap, I don't need it rubbing in again!
My confidence is really shaken. I can't believe that: I thought I'd done really well. I wanted to do some writing today but now I feel that I don't know why I was even bothering. I feel like such a loser.
Spoke to my mother, who is on holiday, today and she only wants to hear the good - she's happy about the promotion because now she can tell all her friends that her daughter is actually doing something constructive and not just p****ing around on some course that will never amount to anything. I wouldn't talk to her about it anyway.
I just feel like I'm alone and nobody seems to care how hard this has hit me. Things always seem harder after you feel that you've been moving upwards, don't they? I feel like I've just been pushed right back down.
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Post by ghost on May 3, 2008 17:15:17 GMT -5
first of all, congrats on the promotion.. extra money=always good!! and i'm sorry about the grade.. just remember, the very best published authors/writers, (as i'm sure you know but maybe just need to be reminded of?) always tell of their stacks of rejection notes from publishers/editors/profs.. screw him! don't let his opinion ruin your day.. even j.k. rawlings was pretty much in the dumpster except for a curious secretary! hope you keep writing! ghost
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Post by sleepflower on May 5, 2008 15:44:14 GMT -5
Thank you so much everyone; as always you make so much sense and make me feel more a part of the world. Pete; that was entirely relevant - don't ever worry about posting here - everyone is welcome to put their stuff in if they need. I'm going to keep reading these replies as they mean so much to me. I feel a little more like getting the old novel out and having a bit more of a go: Ghost, you're right, screw him! I just want to finish this course and be done with it - I think it was a mistake. One more assignment to go. Thumper, you're spot on too, but the only weird thing was that he highlighted that part that said: "I was still taking the medication, still seeing the doctor and the psychiatrist, still wearing the long sleeves to cover the network of scars that traced down both my arms." He said: "Much better when you show rather than tell. Good." This was the only positive comment in the whole 1500 word piece. Scary. Perhaps he's a voyeur?
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Post by sleepflower on May 11, 2008 17:54:52 GMT -5
1. I'm missing Thuper; where is she? 2. I've been to my cousin's son's christening today and my mother was dropping so many hints that she wants us to have children. We don't want them!! We're so SICK of people thinking that we should when we both hated our childhood. More later. xx cynic sleepflower hating everything xx
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raining
Full Member
And the void would be calling...
Posts: 176
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Post by raining on May 12, 2008 7:36:29 GMT -5
Sleepflower, writing can be very personal so that makes it important and special to you, no one can ever take that away from you, I draw from time to time, not that well but its an expression of what goes on right down within me so therefore its unique to me and has meaning. Its the same with writing, no one else should be a judge of it except you.
xxx
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Post by sleepflower on May 13, 2008 13:19:34 GMT -5
Yay! Thumper's back! Sorry that you had a bad week. I hope things are looking up now. Thank you for the kind comments about my blog - that's really nice of you! And Mia...I don't think we've spoken before but I remember you being here when I was getting together the courage to join...I love your avatar!
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Post by sleepflower on May 15, 2008 13:55:02 GMT -5
:(Thanks Thumper I empathise with your memory: I have a book that I keep on the dining table where I head each page, eg 'Monday' then list what I have to do, however trivial. Then I cross it off when I've done it, which really makes a difference. I do this at home and at work and it's been noted at work how 'organised' I am For example: MondayMy friend texted me earlier to say that everything went fine but she's very sore. I'm going to try to visit her next week.
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Post by sleepflower on Jun 9, 2008 6:48:09 GMT -5
Hi guys. I'm really sorry that I haven't been around for so long. I've quit my course. If nobody minds I think I'll just sit in here for a while.
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Post by ghost on Jun 9, 2008 14:15:50 GMT -5
make yourself cumfy.. sorry about your course.. there are always others.. my son loves english and always tested highest in lit/writing, etc.. but had such bad classes/instructors down in socal that it demoralized him completely.. he still goes on & on about how validating it has been up here in oregon where his profs have given him all A's and shown what bozos he was dealing with before! he didn't let it change what he knew about his own skills.. please don't let anyone do this number on you, sf! ghost
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Post by ghost on Sept 16, 2008 12:24:10 GMT -5
hey, we miss you, sf!
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