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Post by ghost on Mar 26, 2008 13:57:09 GMT -5
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Post by travailler on May 30, 2008 5:32:45 GMT -5
Invalidation does kill. Recently attended a certain place of higher learning in Canberra to fathom 'how' a certain psychiatrist parent of mine actually did the deed linguistically - with a view to helping others but also putting peices of the jigsaw together for myself. One day the horror was revealed on the white board in a linguistics (syntax) lecture. A philosopher called Zeno Vendlor had managed to piece together how a person 'construes' an event or process to a state eg in its most accusing form 'you did this therefore you are this ... therefore you 'are' the problem for 'us''. It is done with tricks in grammar, especially moods in the verb see eg habitual, inchoative, progressive ... These tricks misrepresent (through suspension in disbelief) a happening as a 'state' and attack the primal need for membership in the family - crucial to a child. They have the effect of instilling self doubt - like the way a mosquito (or a vampire) injects stuff to stop blood from clotting. From my experience the abuser also plays around with aspect and tense (to cement the blame/shame in to 'time' and progression). After the shame becomes a habit it is just a matter of invoking the same triggers to press the control button. I think some parents do it out of ignorance - thinking it is 'management' but the fact is ... its child abuse ... because the kid has integrity and, on some level, knows he's been tricked and doesn't forget even if it takes a lifetime of pain to work it out. Whatever the motive (usually power and control) the fact is that it is possible to record and script acts of verbal abuse employing 'Vendlors' methods so that kids in danger have a legal leg to stand on. He didn't see that use for it - but I sure do (sorry pic is so big - see bottom left). |
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raining
Full Member
And the void would be calling...
Posts: 176
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Post by raining on May 30, 2008 14:00:01 GMT -5
Thank you for posting this, my father was so mentally controlling as well as physically, so many mind games I'm still unraveling and seeing, like he would make me think I would be able to do something i want and than at the last second take it away every time (why i didn't learn as i knew i NEVER got anything i don't know) That's just one example in a huge list. its left me so damaged i now cant have a normal relationship with anyone, even just friendship.
Anyway i haven't read it all so I will read more.
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Post by travailler on May 31, 2008 3:39:38 GMT -5
Thank you for validating this with your experience too Rain.  The effects of this sort of mind game behaviour on me was devestating and I am still getting over it 30-40 years later. The danger (for young ones) of carrying a sense of anger and low self esteem throughout life doesn't have to be a lingering problem if there can be a simpler way of warning young ones how this sort of abuse takes place - the patterns in language/grammar I mean. The reporting of psychological abuse is a hot potato because although effects are becoming more measurable the causes have tended to remain outside of the realm where one can 'logically', 'legally' prove that 'this pattern of words/verbs/nouns etc constitutes abuse'. But I think there is a way with this model. If government agencies and or legal firms put their resources to investigating a methodology then I think minors (under 18) would have a way to record the evidence on mobile phones etc and the text transcripts (based on audio or video) can stand up in a trial or a tribunal that can intervene to stop the abuse. Another reason why it is a hot potato is that it lays bare the fact that females are just as likely to be perpetrators as males. It would also provide grounds for investigating abuse from therapists. I guess the main thing to share, though, is that I really empathise with what you are saying, Rain. It hurt me a lot too. |
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