Post by raining on Sept 27, 2008 7:19:43 GMT -5
Cat saying hello to its owner 
uk.youtube.com/watch?v=eV71mpbvl-g
How To Give A Cat A Pill
1. Pick cat up and cradle in the crook of your left arm as if holding a
baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth
and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand.
As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left
arm and repeat process.
3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
4. Take a new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear
paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of
mouth with forefinger. Hold mouth shut for count of ten.
5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call
spouse from garden.
6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and
rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head
firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down
ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
7. Retrieve cat from curtain, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note
to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines
and vase from hearth.
8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just
visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth
open with pencil, and blow pill down the drinking straw.
9. Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans, drink one beer
to take taste away. Apply band-aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood
from carpet with cold water and soap.
10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another
beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck leaving only the head
showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with
elastic band.
11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges.
Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch and apply whiskey compress to cheek to
disinfect. Check date of last tetanus shot. Fetch a replacement t-shirt
from bedroom.
12. Call the fire department to retrieve f------ cat from tree across the
road. Apologize to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving car to
avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.
13. Bind the little bastard's front paws to rear paws with garden twine
and tie tightly to leg of dining room table. Find heavy duty pruning
gloves from shed.
Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of T-bone steak.
Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour two pints of water down
throat to wash pill down.
14. Consume what is left of the scotch on the way to the emergency ward.
Breathe while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill
fragments from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.
15. Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell, and call pet shop
to see if they have any healthy hamsters.
uk.youtube.com/watch?v=eV71mpbvl-g
How To Give A Cat A Pill
1. Pick cat up and cradle in the crook of your left arm as if holding a
baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth
and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand.
As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left
arm and repeat process.
3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
4. Take a new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear
paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of
mouth with forefinger. Hold mouth shut for count of ten.
5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call
spouse from garden.
6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and
rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head
firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down
ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
7. Retrieve cat from curtain, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note
to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines
and vase from hearth.
8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just
visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth
open with pencil, and blow pill down the drinking straw.
9. Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans, drink one beer
to take taste away. Apply band-aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood
from carpet with cold water and soap.
10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another
beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck leaving only the head
showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with
elastic band.
11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges.
Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch and apply whiskey compress to cheek to
disinfect. Check date of last tetanus shot. Fetch a replacement t-shirt
from bedroom.
12. Call the fire department to retrieve f------ cat from tree across the
road. Apologize to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving car to
avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.
13. Bind the little bastard's front paws to rear paws with garden twine
and tie tightly to leg of dining room table. Find heavy duty pruning
gloves from shed.
Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of T-bone steak.
Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour two pints of water down
throat to wash pill down.
14. Consume what is left of the scotch on the way to the emergency ward.
Breathe while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill
fragments from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.
15. Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell, and call pet shop
to see if they have any healthy hamsters.
