clover
Member in Good Standing
Posts: 54
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Post by clover on Apr 23, 2007 13:44:27 GMT -5
Well, I quit therapy last December.(was going for over 2 years with this psychologist) I was sure he was sick of me and I was being a burden.... *sigh*....  so, about 4 weeks later I emailed him and to my surprise --- He emailed me back!! anyway.. .. we've been emailing about once a week since then-- back and forth-- (I have some legal things going on and also hubby's addiction so I've been much appreciative for his email support).... anyway.... between him and myself I convinced myself to try meeting again.... thought I'd give it one more try........ it was so awful...... I felt pathetic...... he wasn't warm and kind... he was distant and seemed distracted. Was thinking in my head at the time-- "What the *@*#!!!"... I thought he said he'd be pleased to help me and see me again...  ? he didn't say "thanks for coming" or "glad you made it"....... nothing! So, a week goes by and I emailed him and asked why he hates me so much. He inturn replied, "Why don't you believe that I don't hate you and that I'm here to help you?".............. argh!! Were we EVEN in the same room?? it's like he expereinced something totally different than I did.... how can that be?? are my defenses up so much so that I see negative when it's not even there? .....i find that hard to believe...... I do trust my perceptions--- and ... well............... shouldn't I trust them???........... Oh, please...... I've never in my 3 years of being on suppport forums ever asked for a hug--- I'm so confused though about this all---...... would it be OK to ask anyone reading for a hug? I'm embarrassed-- (this a big step for me)--- hope you don't mind....... clover |
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Post by ghost on Apr 23, 2007 13:54:33 GMT -5
 clover.. ug! i know that feeling! i've been in alot of therapy.. at times i wondered if i was paranoid or irrational or delusional or something because the same thing happened.. i wonder if sometimes they are saying what they're supposed to and we so want to believe they really mean they want to help and then we are disappointed with the reality.. i mean, when it feels like they're just doing their job, looking at their watch that day.. ouch! it feels humiliating.. with me it always made me feel like i had to force myself to have my guard up more, no matter what.. ;D trust is such a huge thing.. do they do that just to bring up our issues?? maybe i'm the wrong one to talk to on this.. since i've gotten so mistrustful of 'therapist's tricks'.. sometimes they seem like professional liars, really.. hope you feel better! ghost  |
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Post by ghost on Apr 23, 2007 14:11:01 GMT -5
p.s. also i was just thinking.. the whole email thing is always a factor for me.. i mean you don't get to see the person as they speak.. you can't 'read' them accurately.. and these little guys:   ;D can really only do so much.. sometimes it's hard to tell if a therapist is really taking time to understand you or just typing out some well worn advice.. in person is the real test.. i'm proud of you for confronting him/her to at least say what you did.. if i felt that way i'd hide.. that's just what i do.. i'm too chicken so i just accept the worst.. |
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clover
Member in Good Standing
Posts: 54
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Post by clover on Apr 23, 2007 14:13:47 GMT -5
Oh my gosh YES!! feeling paranoid, irrational, delusional--that's me too-- exactly!!! I'm sorry you've had similar experiences ghost.  He's asked me before " what is it that you want?..... how can I help you?"..... (i think i might accidentally frustrate him).... I tell him I just want to feel safe and feel that it's OK to be ME...... and then he "thinks" he's giving me that....... but ..... it turns out to be the wrong things over and over.....*sigh*....... I too question whether they have a "bag full of tricks".. argh!! and my gosh-- it's as if you read my mind, for just yesterday I was re-reading his email-- that said-- "why don't you believe me that I don't hate you.....etc..etc..." and I thought to myself-- "Is he a liar or what!?"...... oy vey...... it's so frustrating!!  thank you for your kind reply-- I exalted you! (I think that's what it's called!) clover |
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Post by ghost on Apr 23, 2007 14:26:28 GMT -5
hey thanks! i exalted you, too.. i hope i didn't make you feel more mistrustful of others.. just keep in mind that i'm AD too.. lol! but i feel like it's important to be able to trust one's own feelings.. to know that they are valid.. (at the risk of sounding like i'm 'high maintenance'.. i need a therapist who is much more clearly reassuring.. and i guess i only ever felt like a female therapist did this..) take care, ghost |
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clover
Member in Good Standing
Posts: 54
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Post by clover on Apr 24, 2007 16:29:34 GMT -5
Cool!! I'm exalted too!! thanks! " hope i didn't make you feel more mistrustful of others.." oh, that's so kind of you to worry--- but hey, I've not trusted people as long as I've been able to form words in my head---- so not to worry! " at the risk of sounding like i'm 'high maintenance'.. i need a therapist who is much more clearly reassuring.. and i guess i only ever felt like a female therapist did this".... you know something.... even the male psychologist I was seeing(25+ years experience) made reference to the fact that the psychological therapy field is slowly containing more and more females..... and he said-- it's probably a good thing..... he thinks women could have a slight edge in the therapy arena as women in general are the nurturers. (BTW-- you don't sound "high maintenance" at all!) I just don't know...... I was in therapy before with a woman and only lasted 6 months with her!! She said something I NEVER wanted to hear..... "Your thinking is irrational"... argh!! it's NOT irrational for what my personal history has taught ME!! ..... so I quit with her.... feeling she was only looking at the situation through her own eyes!! argh!! ***Maybe we could all get our ideas together and co-write a "how to" book --- how to do therapy with an AD adult. It would include...what we really need to hear and .......what pushes us out the door, to never return.*** what do you all think?? clover |
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Post by ghost on Apr 24, 2007 20:51:42 GMT -5
clover.. you are so right..
i didn't even know about ad when i was in therapy..
i learned about it afterward..
and even seeing a therapist with 25 years of experience, she is only just now learning herself about in depth attachment stuff..
i've corresponded with her since i quit.. and we're both reading the same material.. it's as if it's an old concept that's just been treated too generally..
we know so many specific things that would help steer the pros in the right direction.. if only they'd listen and not just judge our words as being part and parcel of our neurosis!
;D
about what you said about thinking irrationally..
things we do may seem abnormal to others perhaps..
but i believe we've simply adapted to abnormal circumstances..
perfectly rational when in context..
some people just need to open their minds a crack i think..
ghost
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