raining
Full Member
And the void would be calling...
Posts: 176
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Post by raining on May 17, 2007 9:38:08 GMT -5
Hi, I'm new here and i was just wondering how you would know if you had attachment issues, i think its something that effects me a lot but have never had a name put to it. a bit of my story
i was premature and kept in an incubator for a few weeks, my mum left when i was a baby, in that time she did have me she would have ignored me possibly neglect, i couldn't hear when i was a baby so i couldn't even hear her for comfort i would have been left with no human contact. as a child i was extremely timid and hated school because i was scared of other humans, now as an adult I'm lonely because i cant allow myself to have much contact with anyone or form relationships. i have no self worth and struggle with bad anxiety, paranoia and depression.
does any of this sound like symptoms of attachment disorder???
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Post by ghost on May 17, 2007 12:28:45 GMT -5
hi raining.. and welcome! yes, it really does sound like what we call AD or at least attachment insecurity.. i've heard that even babies who had severe colic with perfectly attentive parents have developed ad simply because they learned so early on that their distress would not be alleviated.. i think people know how important it is when an infant is in the womb, but then they don't realize what they do once a baby is born and is helpless/dependent on it's caretakers is just as vital for the first few years especially.. adoption stories and incubator stories are the most common themes i hear when talking with other AD folk.. i could have just quoted your entire post because it is so compelling as evidence that you developed early insecure attachment.. not being able to hear as a child, neglect, left alone, in an incubator.. then the rest seems to follow exactly as i've heard over and over.. i hope you'll find some support here from us.. this forum is still pretty small.. we like to keep it informal and as comfortable here as possible, for the serious issues as well as just ordinary chat because i think just having a place to talk about anything with others that understand is so important.. so the 'daily chat' thread gets most of the posts.. i sure can relate to the fear of people, the shyness/loneliness, bad anxiety/depression.. there are threads on all these things around if you want to read what's already been posted, then feel free to add your own posts.. nice meeting you! ghost
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raining
Full Member
And the void would be calling...
Posts: 176
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Post by raining on May 17, 2007 13:19:50 GMT -5
Thanks for the replys it's really nice that people understand, ive been seeing proffesionals for 7 years but i feel theve not really understood how deep routed my problems are. I also self harm because i punish myself over how worthless i am, ive always seen myself as a mistake, and been made to feel it all my life.
sorry pete im not sure how to get to the link you were telling me about, i would really like to see it though if you can point me in the right direction.
really nice meeting you all
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Post by ghost on May 17, 2007 14:30:46 GMT -5
Thanks for the replys it's really nice that people understand, ive been seeing proffesionals for 7 years but i feel theve not really understood how deep routed my problems are. I also self harm because i punish myself over how worthless i am, ive always seen myself as a mistake, and been made to feel it all my life. hey, i also si.. have for a long long time.. i have read that si is associated with attachment insecurity.. the very first research on the subject using rhesus monkeys yielded not only invaluable information about what happens as far as ad, but also showed that even animals when faced with inescapable stress resorted to si to try to self-soothe... i think it is like nature's last ditch way to calm ourselves when we don't have security integrated into ourselves from early in life from loving caretakers.. i try to use art/creativity/writing to express my si tendencies as much as i can.. and it does help.. p.s. i score really high on the fearful/avoidant scale on these tests.. but i can be very preoccupied as well.. i've read that's common.. ghost
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raining
Full Member
And the void would be calling...
Posts: 176
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Post by raining on May 17, 2007 15:40:47 GMT -5
wow I didn't really know that monkeys would consider si as a coping mechanism too, I think that's really interesting.
I just done that test and I'm also a fearful avoidant, my last relationship I finished because I didnt think i was good enough for him so he could find someone who could make him happy although it broke my heart as thats the only time ive ever allowed myself to get close and feel for anyone, so now im stuck in a situation where i dont think i can be with anyone, out of all the women on the planet why would anyone settle for me above all those other people out there, their all better than me, thats what im always telling myself. do any of you have that as well?
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Post by sundaymorning on May 18, 2007 8:55:54 GMT -5
so now im stuck in a situation where i dont think i can be with anyone, out of all the women on the planet why would anyone settle for me above all those other people out there, their all better than me, thats what im always telling myself. do any of you have that as well? Hi Raining, I can relate to this as well. Although I think on the surface I'm ok. I just feel the need to get rid of people before they spend too much time around me and find out I'm not as hot as they thought I was. But some one will love you again. I wish I could think of something more encouraging or helpful to say. At any rate I'm glad you found the group.
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Post by sundaymorning on May 19, 2007 3:09:35 GMT -5
Pete, do you think we sometimes do or act in ways that make people not like us? Not on a conscious level even. Almost and act of rushing along the inevitable.
I know I can sometimes be very bitchy even when I don't mean to. No one wants to hang around that.
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