Post by ghost on Jul 5, 2007 1:13:43 GMT -5
it's the middle of the night on the 4th of july..
the fireworks are just starting to quiet down outside..
no matter what i do to make this holiday enjoyable i always end up in a state of superanxiety..
i bake cupcakes, we bbq chicken.. and the minute our neighbors come outside and start setting off their illegal fireworks i start to pace and count my frightened kitties over and over.. even after all these years.. i might as well be right back home like when i was a kid.. drunken idiots throwing around explosives is like old home week for me.. regularly throwing bottles and cans up into the trees with ladyfingers or quarter sticks of dynamite smuggled up from mexico crammed inside.. so much fun..
we had cats then too.. and they were sadly neglected and starved so when my dad or one of his buddies would throw down a firecracker, one or several cats would run to see if it was food.. nearly getting blown away.. i was always trying to protect them..
and all this drinking and fireworks stuff always ended up with fighting and the police coming to our house.. trauma of some kind.. cats getting run over by the cars..
i just always still associate the 4th with all these bad memories..
i couldn't eat anything we bbq'd..
full on anxiety attack..
and now my husband's officially unemployed..
so of course today, the hottest day we've had so far, the central AC broke!
well.. i just needed a place to say all this..
i'll probably feel much better in the a.m.?
ghost
the fireworks are just starting to quiet down outside..
no matter what i do to make this holiday enjoyable i always end up in a state of superanxiety..
i bake cupcakes, we bbq chicken.. and the minute our neighbors come outside and start setting off their illegal fireworks i start to pace and count my frightened kitties over and over.. even after all these years.. i might as well be right back home like when i was a kid.. drunken idiots throwing around explosives is like old home week for me.. regularly throwing bottles and cans up into the trees with ladyfingers or quarter sticks of dynamite smuggled up from mexico crammed inside.. so much fun..
we had cats then too.. and they were sadly neglected and starved so when my dad or one of his buddies would throw down a firecracker, one or several cats would run to see if it was food.. nearly getting blown away.. i was always trying to protect them..
and all this drinking and fireworks stuff always ended up with fighting and the police coming to our house.. trauma of some kind.. cats getting run over by the cars..
i just always still associate the 4th with all these bad memories..
i couldn't eat anything we bbq'd..
full on anxiety attack..
and now my husband's officially unemployed..
so of course today, the hottest day we've had so far, the central AC broke!
well.. i just needed a place to say all this..
i'll probably feel much better in the a.m.?
ghost