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Post by ghost on Jan 3, 2008 16:12:36 GMT -5
sounds delicious.. i've really got to start making it at home because the starbuck's is expensive and decadent!
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Post by ghost on Jan 27, 2008 22:50:44 GMT -5
sorry if i'm not around a bit.. i'm in a bad migraine.. ghost
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Post by ghost on Jan 28, 2008 14:48:41 GMT -5
thanks.. i wish i had a dr i could talk to, because i'm sure there must be a stronger pain med i could take that would be ok even w/ my heart/low bp issues.. i just never get anywhere w/ drs.. can't take nsaids (non steroidal anti inflammatorys) because of my history of stomach problems + heart factors.. was prescribed imitrex, but never took it after finding out my heart was weak since it also has heart factors.. have taken fiorinal, but it knocks me unconscious due to my low b.p. there must be something that's safe, it's so hopeless when there's no one you trust.. ghost
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Post by sleepflower on Jan 28, 2008 15:21:26 GMT -5
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Post by sleepflower on Jan 29, 2008 15:05:21 GMT -5
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Post by ghost on Jan 30, 2008 15:05:47 GMT -5
i'm outta the snowcave and out of pain!! almost puked i got so sick.. but my son and i have this weird bet going to see who will go the longest here up in oregon without throwing up.. hubby already lost out once when he ate at a local taco bell!! nothing like being out of pain to feel alive again.. ;D we're still getting local snow.. not much sticking though.. i like snow.. ghost p.s. thanks everybody!!!
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Post by sleepflower on Jan 30, 2008 16:44:06 GMT -5
Glad you're feeling better, Ghost. I've been sick from migraines many times before. It's lack of sleep and stress and worry that get me. They're just . (Yay! I used him!) I love snow too, but we don't get nearly enough here. It's forecast on Friday so *everything crossed*.
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Post by ghost on Mar 10, 2008 17:26:21 GMT -5
up till now i've adjusted ok to slowly gaining healthy weight.. but lately i just feel so unhappy and not like myself.. i'm thinking it's time to go on a diet and get back into my comfort range.. i feel huge. ghost
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Post by ghost on Mar 12, 2008 14:52:07 GMT -5
thanks pete & mandy.. i've lost a couple lbs already just giving up starbucks.. the calories in one venti hot choc is basically like me having an entire extra meal.. but i'm sad about it.. i'll leave it just for special days or freezing winter? i'm typing brief and lefthand 1 finger style.. because yseterday i fell down the stairs!! we have killer stairs! the risers/runners? are too short or something and carpeted.. i slid down inn my sox and bashed my rt rm on the wrought iron rail there for our safety! ha ha ha. don't think anything broken but bad swelling/bruie & bleeding un der skin.. i'm sore all over and life w/ my left hand is completely retarded!! got in a fight w/ bdhp then.. anything medical w/ me is always made into nothing. feeling very bad.. will type when i can meanwhile good luck tomorrow mandy.. one crippled ghost
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Post by ghost on Mar 13, 2008 12:55:01 GMT -5
thanks.. our stairs are notorious.. the handrails are nice, but even holding onto them if you start to slip you still just slide down onto your butt just hanging onto the rails..! don't know how to fix the problem.. the thing is.. i really cracked my arm bad.. and i thought i should've gotten an xray but my hubby has a way of treating things with me like they don't matter, are insignificant.. so i've been on ice and elevating my arm until today.. it's still swollen and tender/bruised.. i slept maybe 2-3 hours total in the last 3 days with it.. and with the worrying.. if i have a hairline fracture or something you just can't always tell by guessing, you know? but i've been filled with dread at the thought of going to the dr. i literally have si/words/scars cut into my arm and i can't cope with a nurse or dr talking to me about it. then fighting with bdhp.. he was going to take me into a urgent care place even this a.m. but i couldn't do it.. i am so exhausted it sounnds so pathetic, but all i want is to be able to finally fall asleep and forget about all of it. i have to reach a point of just not caring to finally get rest.. it's miserable. i figure all they could do for me is take a picture/xray anway.. maybe cast it? i mean it has to heal itself anyway, so i just have to keep from using it and let my guys lift heavy stuff and help me for awhile. i also am sore all over from the fall.. i'm such a chicken. i just try to keep my head buried inthe sand! pobrecito pollito! ghost ps and what if they think i did it to myself?
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Post by ghost on Mar 13, 2008 14:06:09 GMT -5
thanks thumper.. i once broke my little finger badly.. and because it was from si (punching something hard) i did not seek medical attention and it healed badly/crooked.. this injury was complete accident.. as i fell i hit my forearm in the fleshy part sort of across the wrought iron rail.. right across the bone since i admittedly don't have alot of 'fleshy part' there.. haha.. i hadn't put it in a sling.. but basically have carried it around like a broken wing.. maybe i should.. as i keep automatically trying to use it (i'm right handed..) that would be a good idea.. thank goodness things can heal without drs.. i'd be a goner! if anything worse happens i'll have to go in.. ghost
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Post by sleepflower on Mar 13, 2008 15:16:37 GMT -5
Aw Ghost, I ask if you're OK in another thread and then I read this! I hope that you're doing better. Thumper had good advice there. Please take care of that arm. Giant hugs. :
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Post by ghost on Sept 12, 2008 19:19:07 GMT -5
ptsd episode.. i am calling what's happened to me today a ptsd episode.. it would be too hard right now for me to explain it all right now.. but i want to try to type it out here and hopefully let it go? i know i've been under too much stress and with this illness my son & i are still fighting and my regular health problems.. it all probably contributes? anyone here has probably heard me talk about my fears of mental illness/schizophrenia because i watched my sister lose her mind with it through my childhood.. and i also got to be a very young witness to other psychotic behavior/nervous breakdown type thing with my mom.. also my father.. when he was going through alcohol withdrawl seizures? anyway.. we all in my family had to live with the fear of schizophrenia visiting one of us or our kids.. i have such a terrible fear for my son who in ways reminds me of my sister before she got ill.. his ocd/lefthandedness/artisticness, etc.. well, we had this thing happen today where he was talking and not making any sense and it sent me into a ptsd type terror state afraid that you know.. that he was slipping off into that kind of bizarre insane talk the way my sister used to.. it seems now to have been that he was kinda sleepwalking? he's recovering from this illness and his sleep schedule is all backwards, doesn't eat right (he's so much like i am.. ) it scared me so bad i couldn't stop crying/shaking.. i've just been basketcasey all day.. we sent him back to bed and when he woke up awhile later he seemed completely back to his normal self, even cracking jokes about it and trying to explain what he had been 'dreaming' at the time and the 'dream logic' behind what he was trying to say.. it's all very hard to explain.. but suffice it to say it had both my husband and i very worried/scared. i felt like i was getting over it. then i began getting thes kind of what i call 'dark feelings' which i get sometimes. i don't mean my everyday depression kind of dark but the bad kind tht i don't know where they're coming from, like intrusive bad feeling and terrible fear. i'm assuming it's just more waves of this ptsd kind of episode. well.. i just needed to type this out.. i wish i had a relative or a real world friend or something because it gives me feelings of unreality or something with my perception of reality.. but i'm really just completely isolated. its just such a monumental fear to lose others to psychosis.. god just keep my son well, if it has to strike again let it come to me instead.. i'm already far enough gone it doesn't even matter.. i was so afraid i even wanted to talk to my old therapist again, despite the completely mixed feelings i have for her that i both miss her and hate her guts alternately.. just to feel any security ghost
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Post by ghost on Sept 13, 2008 11:54:19 GMT -5
thanks, mandy.. yes, it's a feeling, but it's very much like those 'intrusive' thoughts in nature.. it acts just the way you describe, i find myself trying so hard to avoid the feeling that i avoid my son, then feel awful and super (overly) protective and guilty somehow and feel like i couldn't leave him here alone at the house just to run to the grocery store.. i of course don't explain too in depth to him why i may be acting over the top because he already is ocd/socialphobic.. so much like me & my damn family dna! that i don't want him to get some fear of his own that this illness could happen to him, you know? it's my own problem/fear from my past and i don't want to visit it on him.. he used to sleepwalk as a kid.. and he just hasn't done it in so long it threw me off.. his father also has the same kind of 'deep sleep' disorder when he gets overexhausted, when they go to sleep they go right into deep (stage 4) sleep past rem sleep and can't be awakened for about 2 hours! and he would sometimes say garbled weird stuff that made no sense in the night too.. it always scared me because of all my past experiences.. i think i'm just dealing with profound stress right now too.. i cried all day yesterday and just have such lingering depressive scared & hopeless feelings.. but i tell myself i'll get past it like i've done countless times in the past? we're all 3 going to take a drive up to timberlake lodge & trillium lake today.. it's cool that they now sell absinthe here in portland: www.integrityspirits.com/trillium-absinthe.htmlthey named it after trillium lake which is so perfect! i'll take pix.. also timberlake lodge is where kubrick filmed 'the shining'.. of course there's no snow right now, but it's the hotel they used.. thanks again, mandy.. it does help because i know from your posts that you have this same kind of thing hit you.. ghost p.s. it's actually so funny.. dan & i both play morrowind and are ocd.. we like to set items we've found around in houses that we've acquired, but if you put too much out an 'overflow lootbag' appears in your house with everything in it instead and you can never get rid of the damn thing.. dan's ocd/paranoid about getting this bag in his house! anyway, in his dream state yesterday he was trying to warn us not to leave out mexican food upstairs or a lootbag would appear.. we did not get it at all.. until later when we figured it all out when he was awake.. lol! now it's funny..
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Post by ghost on Sept 14, 2008 10:50:15 GMT -5
the hug is appreciated and hugs back, thumper! i am actually doing much better already.. hope you will be soon too.. ghost
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